Fighting..

God doesn't want me to rest yet.. y? i guess its cuz its affecting my results and my work... so i gotta act fast.... Real Fast....
sometime i feel.. i dun haf a choice... i feel forced to do this... :( but yah.. i hope i can...

There are so many easy way out.. but where is the real long hard way? i want to find it.... I need to... God I need you..

past few days were a "nightmare" .. :( it was hard.. but yah its getting better... much better... :)

God has been showing me... what is love all about...
its not selfish... no... i thought it was... but no.
thats what i'm to do now....

its SO hard!
but so far.. its a breakthrough for me... esp last nite...
she was talking abt ferry again... she likes him alot
so ya.. :) haha... who am i to tell her anything else?
I got sad... but thank God i didn't went overboard...
learnt to control it...
not gonna be emotional now...
gotta be objective...

i didn't want to talk abt it...
i juz want to avoid her...
or to totally forget her....

but... that the easy way out...
i'm gonna take it the hard way..
I'm gonna face it head on.
I'm gonna fight. ;)


its gonna take me a while... really...
i don't wanna go through this again. really.
u noe... i was thinkin so much...
i actually started to resent her... for gettin me into this... givin me false hopes.... and all.... and now she's goin off...
i felt used...
she nvr hoped in this...

well... God put me through this for a reason... but to hurt me..? ya... he wants me back... and will do it by force. :)

I started to resent God too... why me?? why can't we??? why him????? hahahaha...
stupid yah... this is so childish....
its simply not the time.. and You have showed her the way...

i juz wished.... hoped.... its me hahaha...
but its over...
i dun wanna hope in this...
but u noe...
killing off a hope in your heart is like killin the heart...
dat wad i've been tryin to do...
and it hurts real bad....

Prov15:13
A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but a heartache crushes the spirit.

its so so true...
love hopes... and ... ya...
how to kill the hope withouth killin the love?
O God.... how?
I want to move on...

the thought of going through another one of these...
i'd rather be a bachelor now... no really.
and i will.
until God tells me no.

Singleminded for God.

kinda forgot wad i wanna talk to her... abt her feelings and all... and i wanna talk to chi too...
really... i dun wanna talk to her... at least... not yet...
i'll talk to chi.


God help me.

Prov3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.


had a weird dream... again.. o_O
dreamt i had a gf or something... i dunno... but yah... funny... it felt nice....really....
but.
its not the time.


Only God now.


She is not the one.
She is not the one.
She isn't going to be the one.
She is never going to be the one.
So move on... don't dwell anymore.

I will.

:)