wads goin throu my mind this sat morn :) haha..

woke up troubled this morning ya.... i dunno why...
something was unrest inside me...
what is it? What is it O God?

I don't know...
here i am God..
what is it that you want to say to me this morning?

God pointed out some things

the ring...
i've been psychoing myself...
i refuse to trust myself..
clouded mind..

remembered...
2 days ago.. when i was on the way to sch.... wanted to speak to her.
was thinkin abt some stuff...
God reminded me... to settle with myself first before settling with her...
my heart...
i've kept all the past with her... in a box... and i refused to open it... cuz... i will long for it...
i want to move on...
i peeped into the box... and there was a flash back... it chocked my heart... i stopped immediately... i tried to forget what i saw...
but somehow... i was again troubled... i felt that it was not the way...
i don't know how... because i know myself and i think this is better.. but then again... God knows best~ hahaha :)

the ring.... hmmm hahahaha... got diff thoughts abt it >_<
___________________________________________________

anyways..
i've been psychoing myself.. hahahaha
i've been telling myself its not her.. as you can read in previous entries...
i've put them together and refuse to look it at another way...
i've been expecting answers that its not her.
but.

God pointed out... that right now i only want to listen to the answers i want to hear... that its not her... that its them...
honestly speaking... if God told me yes... i won't belive....
and i'll probably question again...
thats why when i got that answer.. i was shocked...
i've been too negative...
am i suppose to be hopeful...? hahhaa..

just now when i prayed... i asked again...
i recieved a bold No.. hahaha and alot of it too...
but.
i also recieved.... a soft yes....
O_o
my mind has been clouded... i can't trust myself.
I need you God..
Lord... I'll give this entire thing to you. :)
I want to go with your plans
and I will wait according to your timing.. for your timing is perfect :)
and I know.
Now is not the time.

spoke to jem juz now...
said that i should rejoice that God gave me an answer instead of asking more questions :)
yah...
just trust in that answer........

hahahaha..
last nite... hellen recived some messages... hahaha...
Thank God i spoke to her the day before.. she's prepared.. :)
told her to be firm.

anyways... workload is piling high.. and i really got to start working... alot of things to settle in sch.
photo shoot
documentary
MI project
Major
3d studio max
drawing homeworks
media history essay
asain horror essay
experimental

(dats basically every subject!)
hahahaha.... :p

Gogogo~!
Onwards today with You, Dad :)
I will leave everything to you... :lol: