now or never..

juz got home from shepherding...
haha today's my last shepherding with bao wei.... o_O
quite shocked when he told me i'm going to change shepherds.. :p
o well~
shared with him :)

he's been my shepherd for abt 1 and a half yrs?? the longest i ever had =p haha..
but yah.. enjoyed being under his leading even though we don't meet alot.. but i enjoy talking to him... sharing with him.. can really open up to him.
learnt from him to be straight and honest... :) not to be a ppl pleaser but to simply be who you are :) God created us unique.. so why be someone else?or shall i say why copy someone to be liked by people??

really learnt to depend on God alot throught this time... :D

he asked abt me and her. :)
finally got the chance to share to him properly :D
he reads the journal too btw..

yah.. :)
glad that he shared back~ :)
i like sharing things to him cuz he always sees it in another view which i don't :) and thats what i exactly want~~!! :lol:
i wanna know what he thinks.

he lent me his bk~!!! :D
been wanting that book for awhile... really learnt alot form it throught the teachings..
The heart of the artist
a really good book :)
he actually wanted to borrow Wild at heart too :p
haha but i'm still reading.. will buy it soon..
weilin also wants it >_< and so does jem.
livi saw it and got interested in it too hahahahaha
since i'm still reading the other book... i lent it to her instead
she's a fast reader though :p hahahahahahahaha

livi is very funny.. hahaha was sitting with her for dinner.. she looked tired but she said she's not >_< but she's sleepy hahaha then suddenly wei lin dropped by and wanted to say hi cuz she thought it was shirley (from behind).. haha introduced her to livi :p then they started talking.. then gerald pop by and disturbed livi abt her chn name hahahahahaha... started talking abt chn :p her chn is BETTER than mine!!! >_< o btw her chn name.. qi pei or qi lei (either one is her's and her sis') hahahaha
after wei lin left... livi then asked... "who is she?" HAhahahahaHAHAHA!!! *DONG*!!! :lol: :lol: hahahahahahahaha told her then.. =p
on the way back.. she shared abt her parents.. they're very active~~ she told me that even though her mum is 50+ ppl think she's 30+ o_O wow...
they'd go dancing... bowling... waah
hahaha... my parents? .... nothing... :(
hmmm must do something about it =p haahahaha...
talked to shuping abt hendra too .. =p
shared with her abt our plan lol... its gonna be fun!!~ :)
hahaha :lol:

___________________________________________________________

anyways.. . . . bao wei shared to me his opinion abt the matter.... :)
and God also showed me too... . . .. .
will do something about it...
its hard... .. . . . very hard...
Lord.. I need Your strength.....
I'm afraid I can't do it.
but yah.. I want to choose You....


On the way back... . . was thinking alot.. . . .
yah...
we've gotten closer and closer.
and sometimes... i still doubt... how she feels for me... does she feel the same way? or is it just me?
we both know we shouldn't but still... and its been going on..
more and more we got closer...
but yah.. gotta remind ourself...
i told her and i told myself... now is not the time... study first..
so what am i still doing??? >_<
hahaha
yah... will.. change..
its hard... . . . .
i don't think i can tell her face to face hahaha but yah since she's back home =p
will email...
besides... . . she has her hope/promise too... :) and i have mine.. so.. haha
:)
told her before.. to go for it.. cling on to it.. ;) not me hahaha :p but i just couldn't let go...

on the way back... this thought came by... if we were to continue what we're doing... i think.. we'll most likely come together....
it was either that or God..
it was now or never...
and I will choose God... and I did.. :)
its time to let go..

bao wei told me... don't play with fire... something i told myself too... and yah.. i gotta keep that in mind.

IF (notice the capitols) and only IF God planned for us to be together... we will be together again.. but not now.
-that is what i call the "impossible" hahaha..

since we can't picture ourself together... why even pursue it? :p
let not risk hurting ourself...

besides I got a promise to fulfill to Someone. ;)

gotta focus back onto God..
alots of things to do :)
1.God
2.Others
3.Me

focus on my ministry too... and ppl too...


hahaha gonna do a lil crazy thing for myself...
gonna stop myself from using the computer AT ALL for 1 whole week :)
gonna see if i can survive.. hahaha and yah.. i wanna see what i can do instead of being in front of this box the enitre day... :p
walking away from all... and goto God...
yah.. i'll be practically uncontactable.. :) hahahaha ..
thats what i wanted =p
wanna spend time with God..
think.. and plan..
haha and yah see what rubbish i'll do without a computer!!
most likely.. will go travelling. :)

hallelujah~ :D
I need You Lord.
Your Strength.
Your Love.
Your Wisdom.
You.