love & encouragement

ok i've not posted in a long time.
i'm home cuz i've been on mc for 4 days since sunday
16th-19th
booking in tmr
haha i finally know what ppl mean when they say
that when you know you're booking in the next day..
its super xian.
everything you do feels really xian.
for me, i even countdown how long more to booking in -_-
not that it makes it better
but makes it worst hahaha

life in army so far..
okie
tiring as expected
enjoy my platoon :)

but somehow which i think like any other
i'm hoping to downgrade
hahaha..
but i should stop thinking of running away
and face it.
its a mindset i need to change cuz if
all you think about in army is downgrade
which is very unlikely for me unless due to
some unforseen circumstances, you'll get left behind.
its a sucky feeling.
when everytime you feel pain, have aches over the smallest thing, fall sick and all you think about is downgrade, it won't do you good.
it won't bring you anywhere.
wake up.
move on with the rest.

God put me here for a reason.
and He gave me encouragements..
my section mate is from my bro's unit
qian jin is in my batch and he's like 2 blocks away
just to let me know.. i'm not alone.

i've got my section mates to go through things together..
one obstacle for me is fear.
i dunno why.. but as i reflected today..
i'm fearful of some stuff.
though i know its natural
but i just realised that this fear makes me want to run away ever so much more

perfect love drives out all fear.

thats what i need.
love
encouragement
assurance.

those are what i lack here.
or maybe, i've forgotten/lost sight of it.

love and encouragement can bring one a looooOOoooong way
and without it... one wouldn't want to carry on.
the security that God's here with me, every step of the way, whichever training i'm in, whatever i'm going through.. that i'm never far away from His love.
thats what i want.

funny how as i type this, i'm tearing hahaha

guess i've bottled up for toooo long.
always caring to please others instead of God
self conscious instead of being aware of God's presence

i'm the weakest in my platoon.
thats a humble start :)
made me wonder why didn't God let me go army 6 months back when i was in better condition than i am now (since i haven't exercised for a looong time and even so now as compared to 6 months back)
6 months back where i could go with my course mates, all my friends
we would be together.
i just know this.
God doesn't make mistakes.
and i believe that 3 months till end of 2005 was important for my ministry
i joked about it
nexus needs me more than the nation does.

but knowing that i'm the weakest has spurred me to work hard
and to persevere.
perhaps the biggest encouragement that has kept me going
was knowing that people has finished this phase before me
royston
seng
davin
bao
eugene
joe
gerald
jem
yao guo
ray
the many people in tertiary svc
just knowing that, i can keep going :)

love & encouragement
something that i'll hold dearly.
i've never seen the importance and power of it till now.

why i talk army stories with brothers?
simple.
to be encouraged and to encourage.
to hear those simple words like
don't be scared
don't worry
you can do it
it's fun

it's fun.
bao and my eldest bro told me that before i enlisted
that encouraged me loads.

perfect love drives out all fear.
amen.