ponders

its been long.

many things i wanna get off my chest.
just tired.
realised i need some time off alone myself.
to think and ponder and ask
to reflect and be refreshed.
christmas came and gone just as fast

was sharing with roy that one thing that i cannot afford to be is being indifferent.
its a horrible thing, really.
to not feel anything when its joyful
neither feel anything when its a sad moment.

very much lifeless.
when you stop to feel, you lose yourself.
thats what i'm going through.
probably cuz i went through some failures and disappointments recently
disappointed myself and God that i just wanna give up.

another factor that made this happen? army haha..
you just lose touch of the "outside world"
so much so that holidays mean nothing but just a day off
meaning of the holiday? doesn't matter so long its a long weekend.
thats what i'm facing.

as new year approaches i'm quite excited :)
more challenges
closer to ORD date (hahahaha)
more of God plans revealed

gotta find a school soon
and where too.
financially, can i afford?
how long?
should i work?

i really intend to go overseas to study.
but i hope i can afford it :there's so many schools that i'm lost
even singapore..
lasalle, ntu, FIDS(first international design school) and 1 more upcoming.

but i hope for overseas studies. :)
i yearn to be outside!!! (i've not gone any further than penang)
i'm not gonna stay in singapore forever! (i hope its in his plans :p)
i believe God gave me this yearning to travel out for a reason :)

now i need patience to endure through ns.
14 months to ord.

a new ride is approaching.


recently i've just been thinking of someone...
sigh.

私はあなたが恋しいです。

i'd say it to you but that'd complicate things

so i'll put it here.
somewhere you'll never see.
i guess i never did let it go

助けて
お願い

i leave it to You.



did this from a photo ref in a magazine i bought.
quite pleased with it :)