blinded?

today pastor wilson shared about
how we may get so absorbed into something
that we shoo God away.

i was thinking about the same exact thing on the way to service!
i was walking to the mrt when suddenly
an idea for an animation struck in my mind
i thank-ed God for it and kept thinking about it
i was so enthusiastic!
i couldn't stop
it was like creating a world
the environment..
the location..
the people...
i kept thinking more and more till i reached the mrt
then i thought to myself
i haven't talked to God yet.
(i usually spend the time travelling talking to/praising God for the ever little things He does to make my day an enjoyable one like the sudden breeze under the shade or the sounds of my surroundings (thus walking and taking bus are my preferred way of travelling.))
i was so absorbed in my own world that i didn't take time to admire God's works
can you imagine? God had happily set up many little surprises during my journey to the lil mrt station but alas i was too absorbed to notice! :(

and yes.. i totally understood what pastor wilson said
that sometimes we want to focus on something so badly that we'd ask God to "disturb" us another time.

thats not right.

we should always always make time for Him.
i should.

i was asking myself also..
i really want to go to japan to impact people there
through animations and illustrations if possible
it's the culture that i love there :)
and its the people that i want to impact there..
there are so many things that are making them go astray
though i really want to go there..
does God want me to be there?

all this time i've always said
"i believe God gave me a desire to go there for a reason."
but is that the reason?
that i simply have the desire to go?

as my ORD date draws nearer
more doubts are popping or shall i say
the main question remains...
where next.

i really want to go to Japan but
i do not want to be blinded by the fact that i want to impact the people there and take it as God's will for me to be there.
i had compassion for ITE students during my N level days, so much so that i wanted to go to ITE and skip my O's.
that day i was reading rom12 and it struck me so much i cried.
but was it God's will for me?
i've seeked friends and my leaders
and thankfully they told me to carry on to where i am.
i went to lasalle too probably also cuz i was very into drama at that period..
but i couldn't answer the age old question weiling asked me
what do i see myself doing after 50yrs?
i found it hard to answer.. and i couldn't answer where'd i go after..
i was idealistic.
i always thought things would fall into its own place.

and yes, going to japan
doing animation there
hopefully with a christian studio
finding a school
finding a place to stay

those are still my idealistic thoughts.

and i'm forced to mix them with reality now that a chance to go over is arising.
and i'm faced with more questions.

open my eyes Lord.
let me see what You see
open my ears,
let me hear what You have for me.

please.

what is Your heart for me?