the heart of an artist

was actually quite pissed with my boss today
due to a remark..
i was so eager to just reply but that wouldn't be good..
i was having a full scale all out war in my mind
being trigger happy and blasting him back afterwards

why didn't i?

anyways
it's hard to work when you know it's a "losing" battle
sometimes i ask God why him...
then i guess, God wants me to pray for him
love your enemies.
(he's not necessary my enemy)

for all those who've heard about my boss,
you should thank God your boss ain't like him instead of complaining ;)
i won't complain about mine

it's tough but that's life
i can only wait till it's over.

frankly speaking i've seen some new areas of myself
only my boss could point out
(he love's pointin out my weakness which is good! lol, so i'm aware of it)
like my bad habits
an example would be when he complains and when i see no one answering, i'd
say like "wahh.." to at least show that i'm listening
but he sees it like i'm just trying to please people
which after i reflected, yeah
it's like bootlicking

i'm not thick skinned enough to not bother
and i'm just tooo nice.
eargh i hate that word.

i should learn to refuse more
and not just be nice..
(did i mention i hate that word)
and it's in this place where i am that i can practise it
haha sounds funny
practise to stand firm and not be a people pleaser
(sadly in army i've developed that side of me
pleased boss = lesser problems)

another area is fear
i HAVE no idea why i'm afraid of him
probably cuz of the scoldings and such
that i succumb to pressure and just follow

i shouldn't fear confrontations
after all, if i've done something wrong,
all the more i shouldn't hide it
(i was tempted to do it a few times after i
realised i did a major screw up..
i was really afraid, and God showed me this side of
me i never thought i did,
the thoughts that went through my mind..
but i thank God for helping me to own up
and i thank God for my boss for taking it in better than expected)
fear really does "wonders" to your mind.

verse for myself!
If God is for you, who else can be against you?

I like how Paul described God in Rom2
God is kind, not soft.

God is often interpreted as a lovey God
always forgiving and blessing

but let us not forget

He destroyed nations
claiming lives
led armies in battles
killed ananias for telling A lie
exiled His own people
abandoned His own son

He did that, alot of it out of love if i may add.
He is determined yet loving.

He's called the Lion of Judah for a reason ;)
and i like that name
the image of a mighty lion
ferocious and yet gentle enough to approach

my stint in army is like a self discovery journey lol
sounds corny but yeah i dun care.

was reading up the heart of an artist (finally)
and i was struck by what the author wrote:

Artists respond differently to things than nonartists do. For one thing, we tend to be more sensitive. And that's okay. That's how God made us. In Ephesians Paul talks about us having the eyes of our hearts enlightened (1:18). Sensitive people have a lot of heart. We might see things differently because we feel deeply. In Windows of the Soul Ken Gire writes, "We learn from the artists, from those who work in paint or words, or musical notes, from those who have eyes that see and ears that hear and hearts that feel deeply and passionately about all that is sacred and dear to God."

For this reason artists very often speak out against injustice, inequality, and hypocrisy. They take up the cause of those who are suffering. They make us more sensitive to the lost and lonely and to the plight of the downtrodden. Everyone with an artistic temperament has been told at some point in his or her life to develop a thicker skin. That's nonsense! The world doesn't need more thickskinned people. it needs more people who are sensitive and tender. Have you ever been moved to tears by a powerful piece of music or held spellbound by a beautiful work of art? Have you ever been moved by a scene from a film? It's because an artist felt deeply about something and communicated in such a powerful way that your heart and soul were touched.


i was amazed.
and here i was bugging myself to have a thicker skin
cuz i'm moved easily (aka. movable LOL)
usually its during a film
then i think
"hey, why am i tearing at such things.. c'mon, you shouldn't even be tearing"
haha
and yes, i want to be able to communicate through my crafts to touch people's heart.

we artist have an important job to do.
to show the world what is dear and sacred

so lets show it!