personally

i received the news yesterday with a pinch of salt,
only today when my colleague told me personally, then it sank in.
i wasn't surprised by it, unexpectedly, maybe i've been too busy to start feeling.
my colleague is leaving end of this month

my colleagues are, what i've often told people, a very interesting and funny bunch, its why i enjoy working.
so the news hit me.

my friend, zen, some of you may have seen his photo i took, was the first one who left, he left last month.
he went back to school and i replaced him.
my other colleague, joyce, just left last week, which i was prepared, it was a rather silent departure for both of them, sadly.
it's good to see them move on though

anyways, the most unexpected, was fiona who's leaving end of the month. she, too, wants to move on..

this leaves me left.

quite sad by it actually.
i realised i value friendship ALOT.. and its probably something i'm very much lacking now.
i don't have someone i look up to hanging out with, to share life and thoughts, to just be myself.
i become tired of sharing to so many different people the same thing i'm going through that i'd prefer to blog it out and tell them all to read it instead.
i'm becoming more quiet despite others seeing me being noisy and bubbly with groups, but with smaller number of people, i become silent.

and one of the reason i look forward to going back to school? making new friends.
why? i guess i'm becoming picky with friends..
basically, i guess i want friends who're more artistically inclined, someone who can inspire me and i can look up to, someone i can share ideas with instead of being looked on as childish.

when i reflected, when most of the twam moved on and i chose to stay, some part inside of me went dead then, i became more detached.
i was sharing with a sister who was handling a transition in her life station and she was saying that she's someone who holds on thus transiting to a new place/environment is a challenge for her, she told me that she wished she could be like me, able to adapt well.
i told her that there was a downside to that, being able to adapt well was cuz i wasn't so attached to the previous environment.
now that, was a problem.
this doesn't mean i don't enjoy my current group, i do.
but i guess, at the end of it all, i just want an outlet.

yes, people say, then go to God.
i do


but God created people to be with people no?





now i guess i know why there're arts groups where people from other churches come together for a mini cel group. a place, they can be, finally, understood.


this post isn't aimed at anyone or any church in particular, and its no self pity i typed this lot..
just an outlet after a long day..

You won't abandon me.