personally

this week has been an interesting week for me :)
For quite a while, I've been asking God to show me where to go as a next step and likewise also about schooling. Sad to say was that I wasn't pro-active enough/ earnest in seeking it that I just left it that way. A part of me was hesitant about studies. Though I know it is the next likely step, where and what to study was a huge question mark.
I wanted to go overseas, it will be 4 years. I kept telling everyone that I wanted to go overseas as well, I didn't want to stay here as I'm bored of Singapore and wanted to move on, venture out into the unknown. I was excited for it actually. Money wasn't a problem as I had my family support.
But deep inside, I thought to myself, is this where God wants me to go..? I kept pushing forward to overseas study. I had people's encouragement as well. But God hasn't said anything. Last week my 2nd bro came home and asked about schooling as well. Then he told me that they may not be able to support me as its going to cost more than $100k and likely, we'll need a bank loan. Which will take me years and years to clear. I was idealistic.
But honestly, realistically, that bogged me down last week. I'm a spoilt brat through upbringing and always/usually had things my way. Idealistic by nature. So, this was something I had to seriously consider.

Currently, education has been on my mind and I thank God for showing this to me (I've been asking Him for a direction and a burden) though it is still in it's infancy stages, I would like to develop it more. So the idea of me going back to LaSalle for my BA was a choice since it's been offered to me and it's only 1 year.

But I didn't want LaSalle, I was told that it wasn't good to study what I wanted to there from my previous lecturer. And if given the opportunity, I'd rather go overseas anytime than to stay here. NTU had a course which spans 4 yrs with no advanced standing likewise 2 other schools were to be 4yrs as well.
I've told people that I wanted the creative environment to study and to learn and to mingle. I was looking at 2-3 years of studies. Neither which fit my bill came about. I had to face facts that its 4 years if I were to head out.

But I've already missed this year's intake and its a long wait till next year's batch (sept & aug). Thus I slowed down my search and decided to focus on other things first.

I was reluctant to stay here too since I'm already so hyped up about going overseas, (and also I've already told everyone, pride/ego, i know -_-)

and again, this situation reminded me of when I was deciding to quit or to stay at work. I wanted to quit. me. But at the back of my mind, I knew that God wanted me to stay. I obeyed.

Here I am now, I want to go over and study, but God hasn't said anything.

2 days ago, I went down to a media fare at Expo, the school I've been wanting to enter had set up a booth there and so did quite a few other schools.
I went to enquire on Sheridan (the one I wanted), they were supposed to open up a branch here in Singapore this year Sept but have not heard any news since. They told me that they are to open in Jan 2010. Sheridan is based in Canada and its a 4 year course. Chances of me getting advanced standing would be close to 0% since if I were to stay here and study, I'll be the pioneer batch. Thus I still wanted overseas. (though i was told they didn't offer adv standing too)

But sadly, money is a HUGE issue. Honestly, I told myself, that God will make a way. God will provide. He knows how...
But God has been keeping quiet..

Surprisingly, I saw my school booth there, so I decided to enquire just for the sake of it since I was already there. Prior to this, a few months back, I chanced upon one of my lecturer who was having lunch just below my office. We sat there and talk and shared, he told me (and my colleague who was with me too) about changes in the school and it looked promising esp for my school (animation). LaSalle offered me a direct entry for a 1 year course which I declined last year, so I enquired again and was surprised that application for school was still open for Aug'09 intake.

This was an opportunity to study now. I am still considering and yes I can always apply and decline later. Honestly, I was disappointed in a way but also, happy for the opportunity. And am still seeking advices. I know myself, that when I want something, I'll forge my way through. Stubborness. But what has been keeping me from moving ahead was this: "Is what I want, what God wants?"

More of Him, Less of me.
To stop holding on to my dreams and plans and exchange it for His.

Looking at it now, this seems the most realistic choice and also the fastest way for me to enter education. And I don't want my stupid ego to get the better of me too :p
Yen Ling was sharing to me about how long she's going to take to clear up her loans and it really opened my eyes. o_O

Do keep me in prayer~!