personally

Was having a chill out with some sisters from my unit at coffee bean today, as they shared about their school life in primary till uni, i realised i was being surrounded by smart people, rather those who did very well acadamically. i suddenly felt disconnected as these kinda people are those i can't relate with and are like what i see as a line drawn between me and them as i didn't do well in my acadamics and am the lowest qualified among all of them. JC life isn't something i looked to but also is something i deemed impossible for me, a 'dream' i just cannot reach.
i thought to myself, why am i feeling this way? was there really a line? why am i feeling inferior? i just couldn't relate to their stories and compared to what they've done and achieved, what can i be proud to share? they reminded me of multiple intelligence, about the various kinds of intelligence that each one of us excel in more than other areas. thats true, i thought to myself. how can i compare with them when i'm doing something totally different?
but i couldn't help but feel left out.

as i heard about what was offered to them in schools, i got really envious about it, in fact i got jealous too as i was never given those options for special classes and such. is this fair? this acadamic driven system rewards those who study hard but what of those who can't? are they even given opportunities to study these special classes? or are they doomed for ITE? it seemed to me like it as i heard their stories and experiences that i could only dream of. they've got a real headstart in their knowledge of subjects (arts, philosophy, graphic design) that i only started after i finished high sch.
but i realised maybe its not so different after all, we're all working people now anyway. do i care on how people look at me if they knew i was a diploma student? honestly i did and sometimes i still do but am learning from it.
what is knowledge? its useless if not applied (and i'm simply just comforting myself that they've had a headstart than me lol.)
inferiority shouldn't be gauged on who has less knowledge though as many say "knowledge is power", but what of it? really. knowledge is easily found :)
wisdom far surpasses that and is not easily found.

they soon started sharing their adventures in Outward bound. it really sounds amazing and fun but not something i'd do. why? i thought to myself, am i afraid? again this inferiority set in. i felt much less a man than them who went and braved such stuff. these built confidences too and aids in leading. i thought about my army life, sure i was afraid of some stuff but when i overcame it, confidence built up and that helped motivate me to move on to bigger things.
i begun to dig deeper in myself on the age old question, what is a man?
why do i feel less man than them? shouldn't i?
i had to break mindsets that i've held on that are superficial.
a man isn't gauged by what he can do. sure we are often looked to in times for help and support and when we fail to deliver (eg. fix a computer) we feel useless, less of a man, but is that the way? do we derive 'man-ness' from what we can do that others can't? i realized that is impossbile now that females are doing more 'man' things too. they're very capable on their own, that i agree. do i get my 'man' satisfaction when i can help them?
i think that shouldn't be the way.
sure we can support them and encourage them but depending on them to depend on us so that we feel fulfilled as a male is not going to help us.
if you eventually marry that girl and she ditches you for another guy, you're going to feel that you aren't a man at all. (you can't keep your girl? man you're lousy)

a man isn't derived from what he can do. (lil david would be the manliest kid for downing goliath with a pebble)
with that said, i comfort myself. LOL.
a man of God is seen first from his identity in Christ foremost as a child of God, a man of God, a warrior, a protector, a leader, a lover
next is his relationship with God. Obeying and following through, to lead and fight.
King David was known as a man after God's own heart. He yearned for God's presence daily. Longing for Him in a dry and weary land. This speaks alot about their relationship. depending on God doesn't make one less man at all, its what makes a man of God. a man who truly seeks God, confides, hides, draws strength from.

God used the most unseemingly people or at times, useless, people to do His work. Some of Jesus' disciples were mere fisherman but they've been called to do mighty things.

anyways these sharings were their school lives and am in no ways to compare. i enjoyed my school days and when i shared with some of them about it, they too were amazed and wanted to know more about it. so in the end, no one school is better than the other. and they, no than me and vice versa. :)