i guess..

was away for chalet >_< hahahaha
class chalet at east coast. :)

service was great too~ :D though i couldn't make it for chalk circle.. walked there from parkway...
wow....
the photo...
will share abt it again... anyways.....

_____________________________________

...
Hellen said "fuck, so fucked up"... over a game of dai dee
O_o....
was taken aback..
slip of the tongue?
even ryan was shocked...
quite disappointed by that...
really..
i mean if u say that cuz of stress.. and suddenly blow up.. i understand.. but this is JUST A GAME!.... :(
even emil also...
i think.. personally.. it was stumbling... to ppl...

We are Christ's ambassadors.

A leader cannot lead without credibility.
how can you tell someone to do something if you can't even do it?

wanna ask her how is she follow upping on emil... and ryan too...
emil used to be careful with what he says.. but..

...

every single action we do.. will impact/affect another life whether you like it or not, IT WILL. (thats all there is to it)

kinda angry now.. why? haha... o well.. just disappointed..
she's staying over at the chalet now..
dun wanna talk to her now actually cuz i think she'll be a lil tipsy from drinking hooch or vodka.
and i dun wanna talk over phone.
let her haf her fun..

she reminds me alot of Helda.. haha... wild girl.

i won't care whether if i seem like a nagging person to her to what she thinks of me( if she starts to dislike me).... so long as i get what God wants to say to her and what i need to correct her about.
________________________________________
i feel she's a lil lost.. i dunno why... but yah... feeling orientated...
was talkin to her the night before... she was sleepy.. and probably a lil emotional and all... she was tipsy from drinking vodka... talked abt... her.. hahaha the ppl she liked.. talked abt us... and all...
her first bf always hugged her alot.. she really enjoyed that.. and when they broke up... she longed for that affection again.. and now... she likes to hold my hand...
>_<
i kinda feel like a subsitute sometimes... -_-u just a person to
turn to... to provide ur needs..
..... :(
talked abt courtship.. talked abt bgr... talked abt life...talked abt marriage..talked abt the "impossible".. talked abt God's plans... talked abt picturing the future...
looked at the sky...the stars.. the view..
trust in God's plan....
didn't really know how to talk abt us..
its just... like that... i don't know how to explain it... and so does she...
o well. . . . .

as i was goin home... thinking abt what she said earlier..
i remembered this thing which was in the back of my head which i didn't listen...
why wait till army?
why not NOW?
since its the holidays.. and she's going off. :)
holidays can either Make you or Break you.
i realised i came back to her because i like her.. i want to hold her hands.. i didn't want to let go.
come to think of it.. hahahaha... its time..
I don't need her... I need God.
gotta stop fooling ourselves...
Walking away from the women... i want to get myself right with God first... I got other commitments now too... can't commit to a relationship yet.
it WILL surely disappoint the women.. but yah..
choose God over everything. :) amen :lol:
I guess its over... (even now.. thinking of telling her tmr... i really don't know how to...)
(was this due to the anger i had just now?)
I went through this.. and we came back together....

come to think of it now... . . . . yah..
i thought of this due to anger just now.. haha.. why? >_<
but some of it.. yah..



I need God.

hallelujah. :)


UPDATE: (4:29am)
I told her just now through sms abt what she outghta do..
clarify and maybe apologise.
she did. :)
now.. hahaha.. . . . when i read that part of the journal... it was due to anger...
but yah.. God did put that thought in me...
why wait till NS?
ya.. will re-think abt it... :)