mess.

it's been a week and my mind's a mess.

to top it off, i've got myself 2 seasons of anime to keep me busy

i've been looking forward to it and now it's got me hooked

i've grown attached to the characters.

and don't you just hate it when it's ending?

i've got 13 more eps to go

and honestly, i'm a lil scared to finish it.

cuz i want to know about it more

i want to observe/see more

the story is goooood

but it's ending.

and it's back to reality once more..

all good thing's come to an end eh.

i need to slow down my pace of watching

watching all at once is a killer..

really.

makes me so hyped for it

get to know the characters

get to know the story

see how the characters grow

and i begin to enjoy it greatly

and now it'd ending as fast as i started it

i've to learn to let go just as fast as i picked up

it's painful.

i love to get lost in the show/world
like an escape
and think how'd it be to see them in real life

and if i find some characters really cool
i'd pick up a trait from them
haha..
just like a child
でも、私は私。
something i've to constantly remind myself.
i'm just ordinary.


sometimes i feel pathetic like this haha
it's quite extreme no?
かくいじゃない。。


sometimes i wonder who'd feel like this too for an animation :p
somehow i'm reminded how livi bugged me to finish up honey &clover
a show i couldn't bring myself to finish at all.

i just stopped halfway..
there was something that i hope would happen
but i knew it wouldn't
i just clinged to that hope

because,

it reminded me of myself
something i don't want it to repeat
but i had to eventually
and it was for the better..

all good things come to an end
and the beauty is that
sometimes, they give you space to imagine on

just like how advent children came about
through a dream of wanting to realise it
of wanting to see more


of course, reality is there at the end
waiting for us to get back
and we have to move on ..


it almost sounds sad.




was reading acts 17&18
i know what i have to do.
and i should start.


as i reflected
i've based myself on my ability to draw/create.

and i've not done so for a very long time.
check when's my last drawing on this blog..

and i've been wating to draw for the longest time
really.

i've images, stories, worlds i want to see
to draw for others to see and enjoy

so huge i dunno where to start..

countless times i've stared at a blank paper/canvas
pencil in hand

it's like i can't communicate with the paper
i can't communicate my thoughts and images through
and i'm almost afraid
that i can't get anything done.
that i can't do it in the first place.

i've not improved my drawings for the longest time


parable of the talents.
its scary now.