my best friend

mick left today at 4.45pm.
he was put to sleep peacefully.

i was horrified to know that it was today as i was booking in last night
i thought it was during the week but tomorrow???
that was too soon,
i couldn't spend his last night with him..
i held him tight before booking in
asked my brother to let me know what time he was bringing him.

i was uneasy that night..
it's hard talking to people as if nothing's happened
somehow i just didn't want them to know.

woke up and went about work..
i decided that i'd want to spend mick's last few moments with him
and see him go.
easier said than done.
it's painful.

my brother arranged to send him off at 4.30pm at the vet.
i knocked off at 1pm and hurried off

went over to my bro's place with his friend and played with mick
my brother bathed him one last time
and put on a new shirt for him (he looked good in it if i may add)

it was a rather quiet atmosphere..
uneasy too
we chat and joked
trying to fix our minds off it
and our eyes off the clock.
whenever the conversation stopped
someone would quickly add in something

it's horrible..
knowing that the clock is ticking
but i admire my brother for the courage in making the decision.
i could never do that. never.

mick is 13 yrs old this year.
he's been there with me and for me through many ups and downs
we've shared beds, food, times, toilet..
since i was primary 4.

i've often thought of what i'd do when he'd go
and honestly when he was getting older
i'd check on him when he's sleeping, laying still
checking if he's still breathing..
and thankful that he is.

but oh how easy it'd be if he left like that..

mick has skin cancer.
and he's in pain.
he can't lay flat on his tummy anymore
cuz he's hurting so badly (thus the shirt)
he can't walk properly,
can't jump and run.
he was suffering.

and i could see it in his eyes.

i was told that when a dog is about to go, they'd do things to make you detest them/ hate them so that when they leave, letting is pretty much easier.

mick refused to look at me all day..
he'd walk away from me whenever i go near
he knew his time was coming.


my brother shared something i was quite amazed at..
dogs are an embodiment of love.
they only know how to operate on it.
they'll love you
they're faithful to you
and even if you quarrel or beat him
he'd wag his tail when he sees you the next day
they're forgiving
and never complaining.

how dog is spelled so close to God is something to think about.

at 4pm we got ready to leave
mick was sleeping soundly though
my bro woke him up picked him up saying
"mick, wake up, it's time to go home.."

i couldn't hold it in anymore.
i could never say those words to him.
i teared during the journey
my brother was still holding strong

we arrived
got him into the vet
mick was very lively
and for the first time laid on his tummy again
and this was the hard part..
the fact that he still was lively
was the main thing that was painful

i wanted to say no and take him back

when the vets asked if he really wanted to go through it
my brother stood firm to his decision
he really loved mick alot..
can't bear to see him suffer anymore
the cancer was already in it's advanced stages..

then came the hardest part of all.

we brought him into the room and put him on the table
the vet allowed us to spend a few more moments with him
we prayed
and hugged him tightly
he's finally going home and get a good rest..

i kissed him for the longest time and held him close.

we called the vet in
and he told us the how'd it be done.
he'd inject an overdoze of anesthetic
which would cause him to sleep and his heart would
stop within the next 20secs...



..



my brother asked to hold him while its done

i stood beside




the needle was inserted
mick didn't make any sound



the syringe was emptied



my brother broke down
as he laid mick back on the table
feeling his heart slowing down
his breathes, smaller

i cried

he was gone.



he was laid motionless.
i could feel the heat still there..

i held his face for the last time close to mine
as i felt his fur on my face
knowing that i'll never feel it again




my heart broke.




and so did i.









farewell friend.







i'll see you at the end of the race.